Okay, Okay...I Know There are Much BIGGER Things than This Wrong Around Us...

But I really want to talk today about trains. Like tens of thousands of other people, I use public transportation to commute to work in a major metropolitan area. For the most part, I'm happy with it. Sure, the train runs over a commuter every now and then or hits a car whose driver couldn't spare the four or five minutes he might have had to wait at the gate, and that holds things up a bit, but for the most part, it's smooth going. The trains are relatively clean and relatively comfortable, having someone else driving means that I can sleep or read or work or knit or create a popsicle-stick rendition of the Golden Gate Bridge on the way to work and back, and most of the other passengers are either Friendly or Unobtrusive.

There's one kind of passenger, though, that drives me to rage every evening. It's not out of self-interest, either--I always manage to find a seat, and if I don't, I'm young enough and game enough to sit on the steps in the vestibule or wherever I might find an empty space. But there are certain commuter trains in the evening that are so packed that people are sitting on the stairs, standing in the vestibules, standing in the aisles...and inevitably in every car you'll see two or three people who have their briefcases carefully set up in the seat to make sure that no one sits with them, or who are sitting in the outer seat and blocking an empty inner seat, or balacing a bag of popcorn there, while people search in vain for somewhere to sit down. Invariably, these people sit up very straight and stare straight ahead, as if they are entirely unaware of the scramble for seats going on around them. They're apparently unable to HEAR in that position as well, because the announcements the conductors make have no impact, either.

Every once in a while someone will stop next to one of them and say pleasantly but quite firmly and loudly enough for those around to hear, "Could you move that, please?"

I love when that happens. I never DO it, but I enjoy it tremendously. I'm in favor of larger action, though. The airlines have a great solution for this kind of problem...if you need two seats, you pay for two seats. So I think the conductors should pass through the cars when the train is crowded and politely inquire of each of these inconsiderate riders whether they'd like to share their seats or purchase an additional ticket.